not wanting to study for psych!

sooo boring! all these dumb theories about human development. Theories aren't even truth they have no foundation it's just what people think!! LAME-O....
I miss Rogelio:(

torment

I wish I could sleep at night instead of having this underlying fear of dying in my sleep...
the insomnia makes me insane...sleeping makes me afraid!

need to blog

I was encouraged to start writing due to anxiety and panic attacks.

I will write whatever is on my mind just to get it out - not hurting others ofcourse-

I'm back in school being a nurse. I feel insecure and bad about myself for no reason. I miss my family and I miss Rogelio. I wish I could marry him tomorrow!

Last night I had a panic attack and thought I was having a heart attack. My blood pressure was over 140 and my heart rate was up. There was this tight pain in my chest and I couldn't breathe. It was the worse thing I had ever felt. I really thought I was going to die.

This is my weakness but am learning to control. I WILL NOT RUN AWAY (because that's what you all think I do) I will stand and fight. Friends reccomended I go to a counsellor and I might also do some yoga and prayer stuff. Being trapped in panic and anxiety is like being in a prison.

I just want to be free somehow.
For all those saying oh just snap out of it...it's real and it's a sickness. look it up.

Don't look down on me and call me weak.

I hope to blog everyday now.

El Salvador

In one month I will be back home:)

Christmas

Christmas is so so commerical here and not celebrated for the reason it was created.

Am I in God's will?

I have been tormented and sick for almost a month straight. Fainting, headaches, stomach pain.
I am afraid and I have questions.
Am I in God's will? Am I suppose to be here? What will happen? Why is this happening?
I have been a healthy person. Now that I'm in school, my health is troubled. Stress is not the answer.
I have missed school, but am doing well.
I ask for prayer. Serious prayer.
I am believing on Romans 8:28.
I have faith. Faith is stronger than fear...
I have a fear of dying. I have a fear of being robbed of the life promised to me.
In the name of Jesus the torment stops. In the name of Jesus I am free from all disease and sickness. In the name of Jesus I am promised life and life to the fullest. SATAN YOU HAVE NO HOLD ON MY LIFE.
God I just want to be in your will...give me a sign...please.
Don't turn your face from me. Hold me now I need you so so close for I am afraid.

Standards

My life is too much compromise...too many lowered standards...time to change that! time to stand up.